


Elevator Confessions

by CaliKayeTylers



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Confessions, Getting Together, M/M, Trapped In Elevator, tw for anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:06:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28218945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaliKayeTylers/pseuds/CaliKayeTylers
Summary: Months after a dreadful company Christmas party, Shownu and Kihyun are barely on speaking terms but it seems fate thinks it's been long enough.
Relationships: Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 41
Kudos: 115





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here's my first Showki drabble. Think of it as a literary doodle. No back story. No context. I just sat and wrote it all at once so don't expect too much XD Please treat me kindly!
> 
> Come find me on Twitter! @CaliWritesFics

Lockdown was going to be the death of them all. The first few days without a jam packed schedule had been a somewhat welcome, if not awkward, reprieve. They weren't used to having downtime, so he'd watched as the other members had quite literally seemed confused about how they were supposed to fill their time. After the first week, they'd all been ready for life to become hectic again but then it didn't. Now it was the beginning of April and things had become even more grim. 

Postponing the world tour had been the right decision; they all knew that, despite the way their hearts ached. After the announcement, their dorm had been eerily silent. The very air had felt heavy with an oppressive, almost fearful, tension. As their leader, Shownu knew he needed to say something, but what words could soothe them now? How could he reassure his friends when he couldn’t even tamp down his own anxieties? He knew every one of them was thinking the same thing: 

Will they still care when we come back?

The same question that would run through their minds before every comeback no matter how many years had gone by. It had happened, after all. Their group had been on the verge of disbandment when things had suddenly picked up but they knew how that felt and worked their asses off to make sure they never landed in that situation again. He wondered if other groups always had that sense of foreboding in the back of their minds. Did others live wondering when they would crash, too? Or were they really cursed?

“Stop it.” He muttered to himself as he pushed past the glass doors of their company’s building. This was why lockdown would be the death of him. Shownu had never considered himself high strung, by any means, but he’d always had other things to focus on more than the thoughts barging their way into his head. Now he suddenly had too much time to think. Which was what was leading him to the gym now. Four days ago they’d finally received the go ahead to be able to leave the dorm and the news was a Godsend; even if the studio was the only place they were currently allowed to venture to. It was better than nothing. Tonight, Shownu planned to run himself into exhaustion. That had been the plan anyway.

Kihyun hadn’t been part of the plan. He stopped just short of making his presence known to the younger and watched him for a moment. He noticed the elevator button hadn’t been pressed yet. Kihyun was unhappy with whatever he was reading on his phone, judging by the look on his face. He looked a mess too, which was not normal. No, he looked like he’d just rolled out of bed; hair in disarray, wearing just black skinny jeans and an oversized hoodie that covered his hands. Shownu was fairly certain that particular piece of clothing had been stolen from his own closet but he much rather the other wore it anyway. Hell, he was just happy to see there was still some part of him that Kihyun didn’t detest. It had taken years for the younger to warm to him, to trust him, but only a few drunken moments to burn whatever bridge they’d built over the turbulent waters between them. And that was all on him. 

Deciding he couldn’t avoid it any longer, Shownu made his way to the elevators and reached forward to press the button. Kihyun’s head snapped up, his dark eyes wide. 

“Are you going up? I’ll catch the next lift.” He said as the doors slid open and he pressed a hand in to stop them from closing. A frown settled over the younger’s face as his eyes flicked between the elevator and Shownu’s face. A myriad of emotions swirled in the depths of his features before settling on something like resignation. 

“I am. But you don’t have to wait. It’s fine.” Kihyun answered, his words clipped short. 

"Are you sure? I really don't mind waiti-"

"Don't be stupid. It's just an elevator ride." With that, the shorter man stood straighter and entered the elevator. Shownu followed, albeit unwillingly. 

The air inside the elevator was suffocating and felt like right before a lightning storm; full of static. It made him shiver uncomfortably as he watched the floor counter rise. 

"Are you going to the gym?" 

Kihyun's voice so suddenly breaking the quiet caused him to flinch. "Uh, yeah. Tired of being cooped up in the dorm." Shownu answered, scratching at the back of his neck. He really needed a haircut. "What are you here for?"

For a moment he thinks the other is going to ignore him but then he hears a quiet sigh. "I uh, I came to record a song. A cover. I thought being alone for a while might be nice."

The admission probably wasn't aimed at him, but nevertheless, Shownu felt guilty for ruining Kihyun's time. He wanted to apologize but before he could get the words out, the elevator seemed to stutter then stop altogether, and the lights flashed before going dark. There weren't even emergency lights. 

"What just happened? Are we stuck?! Why are the lights off!?" 

Kihyun's panicked voice filled the sudden overwhelming silence and Shownu could tell from the sound that he had plastered himself to the wall. He knew Kihyun didn't like the dark, nor did he like small spaces like this. Of course, he was panicking. Shownu took his phone from his pocket and turned the flashlight on, setting it on the floor near the door. It helped a little. 

"Ki, let me see your phone. I'll call and get help." He kept his voice calm, reaching a hand out towards his friend. 

Kihyun seemed too in shock to remember who he was stuck in an elevator with and handed the device over without any comment. He'd closed his eyes, and his hands came up to cover his face. 

Oh god, if he cries...I don't know if I can handle that…

According to the emergency staff of the building, power had gone out in part of the city, and they weren't sure how long it would take to get them out, but the police were being notified too. The news didn't help calm his frazzled companion one bit. 

"This can't be happening. This cannot be happening… Call them back. Tell them to hurry, please.”

“I’m sure everyone is doing the best they can to get the power back on. Come on, why don’t we sit down? I’ve got water in my bag and I turned on a light.” He said, gently taking a hold of the other man’s arm only for Kihyun to wrench it away. 

“Don’t touch me!”

“Ki, I was just-”

“I know!” He yelled, too loud in such a small space. “I know… I just… I’m sorry.”

Shownu shook his head before he realized Kihyun wouldn’t see it. “Nothing to be sorry for. Sit down with me?” This time, all he received was a nod before the younger allowed himself to be lowered to the concrete floor. He was relieved to see Kihyun’s eyes flutter open. The light from his phone cast blueish shadows across his cheeks and Shownu caught himself trying to remember if he’d watched Kihyun eat during the few meals they’d all sat down for. He was looking too thin again. Though, maybe it was only a trick of the light. It wasn’t the right time to be inquiring anyway. 

If he was truly honest, Shownu felt like maybe this was karma. He’d spent so much time over the last few months wishing he could somehow force Kihyun to talk to him but this...this is not what he’d meant. 

“Kihyun.” He started, drawing his attention again. “What song were you going to sing? The cover.”

Kihyun was frowning again. Maybe he didn’t want to talk but Shownu would keep trying if it called him down. 

“High Hopes.” He finally replied, his hoodie covered hands fidgeting in his lap. “Monbebe keep tweeting to me that they want to hear it and I thought that now would be a good time to record it for them.”

Shownu caught himself smiling before he could school his expression. “They would love it. Plus, it’s a good match for your voice. Although, I haven’t come across a song you couldn’t sing.” He cleared his throat as Kihyun ducked his head against his knees. “Anyway, uh, you’ll practice first, right? Why don’t you sing it for- You could sing it now. I’d like to hear it if you want to.”

He was rewarded with a small chuckle. “You want me to sing something like that in such an enclosed space? I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Ah, okay. Yeah, maybe that was a stupid id-”

“But there is a little song I’ve been working on that’s much more subdued. I mean, if you really want me to sing something.”

That felt better than winning any award. “Hm. I would like it.”

It didn’t take long for him to realize what song Kihyun was singing and Shownu took a chance and joined him. He’d always loved how they sounded together but more than that, he loved watching Kihyun sing. His entire being seemed to light up from within and the air around them softened and allowed them both to relax. By the time the song came to an end, Shownu allowed himself to feel hopeful. Maybe this was what they’d needed. 

“I forgot how good we can sound together.” Kihyun laughed. He sounded almost nervous. 

Shownu took a chance but kept his eyes on his shoes. “I miss singing with you. Even just around the dorm.”

“Well, things have changed.” Was the only response he received but at least it was a response. If Kihyun was willing to answer, then maybe he was open to a conversation. 

“I know. And I know that it’s my fault. I’ve spent this whole time since Christmas wanting to apologize to you. I wasn’t nearly as drunk as you were and I should have stopped that kiss from happening; dare or not.”

In the silence that hung between them, Kihyun pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on top of them. Maybe he’d been wrong to bring up the top-

“You’re right. You’re the leader, after all. Taking care of us and watching out for us is your job.” Kihyun said, as if he was reciting the rules of a board game. “But...I’m an adult. I shouldn’t have drank that much. I should have had more self-control. I can’t completely blame you.”

“Actually,” Shownu started, feeling his chest growing tight. “You should. Ki, I could have easily stopped you. I made a choice not to.”

Now he could feel Kihyun’s eyes boring into the side of his head. “Why? Why wouldn’t you stop me? Did you just need something to hold over my head? Or was it just to make me look like a drunken idiot?”

“No and no. I saw an opportunity and I took it. I know that we’ve become...something, over the last few years. Teammates, maybe friends. But I know we’ll never be close, and I’ve wanted to kiss you from the moment I met you. I couldn’t pass up the chance. I’m sorry.”

“Now I know you’re lying. You hated me the second you laid eyes on me. You were determined to get me kicked off the show. Even now, I know I annoy you with my nagging and perfectionism.”

Shownu let his head fall back against the wall. “I didn’t hate you. I wanted you to make it. That’s why I pushed so hard against you. You needed a harsh competitor to prove that you were the best vocalist out of all the trainees and that’s what I gave you. But...not a day went by that I wasn’t thinking about catching you off camera and kissing the hell out of you.”

A choking sound came from his right. “No. That’s not… What the fuck?” Kihyun murmured to himself. His reaction was to be expected. Shownu hadn’t exactly expected him to take the news well. 

“Don’t worry about it. I promise I’ll never act on it again, but yeah, it’s okay that you’re angry at me because the whole situation was my fault.”

“I’m not...angry at you. I’ve been mad at myself.” 

That...wasn’t what he’d been expecting at all. Shownu lifted his head to look over at Kihyun. He was uncharacteristically chewing on the cuff of his hoodie. “Why would you be mad at yourself? I don’t understand.”

Kihyun inhaled rather loudly. “Because...I can’t remember it. I finally got to kiss you and I can’t remember what it felt like. I can’t remember anything about it. I’ve been imagining what it would be like since the day of our debut and I fucked up by allowing myself to be so drunk that I don’t remember any of it.”

“You… You wanted to kiss me too?” 

What had happened to all the oxygen in the elevator? Why did it suddenly feel so hard to breathe? And his senses were heightened. Shownu could feel the slight movement of Kihyun’s sleeve against his own, hear his slow exhale, smell the scent of mint from the shampoo he used. No part of him could focus on anything other than the man sitting beside him. 

“I did. But I thought you hated me.” Kihyun admitted, rubbing at his eyes with his sleeves. 

“I’ve never been good at expressing feelings but I’m sorry that I made you feel that way. Ki, I have never hated you. A- and if it makes you feel better, I’m glad you don’t remember that kiss. It was horrible. I was a nervous mess.”

That must have tickled him because Kihyun was suddenly laughing, eyes barely more than cute crescent moons, but he was leaning against Shownu’s shoulder now so he didn’t mind being the cause of his laughter. 

“Shownu...since I don’t remember...should we try again?”

Just in case he changed his mind, Shownu wasted no time, raising a hand to place on the younger’s cheek. He knew Kihyun hated it when people called him small but Shownu loved that he was shorter, smaller, than himself. Their height difference had always made him feel like he could protect the other. And now, feeling how Kihyun nuzzled into his palm, he felt invincible. 

The kiss was a million times better than the first time. It wasn’t heated or messy. Just a press of lips and shared breath. It was perfect. 

“Do you want to remember this time?” He asked, voice hushed as they stayed close, foreheads resting together. 

Kihyun chuckled, his hands gripping Shownu’s forearms. “Yes. I do, but...is this all you wanted? Just to know what it was like to kiss me?”

Before he could speak up, a whirring sound came from above them and the lights came flickering back on. The elevator lurched, making its way to the next floor. He stood up, pulling Kihyun along with him. When the doors opened on the gym floor, Shownu stepped out but held the door open, looking back at the younger. 

“No, I’d like to know what it’s like to marry you someday, too.” He grinned. 

Just before the door slid shut he caught the blush blooming across Kihyun’s cheeks and the million-megawatt smile curving his lips. Then he heard the rather undignified squeal before the elevator left for its next stop. 

He’d never been so happy to get trapped in an elevator. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...this was supposed to be a one shot...oops.   
> Anyway, thank you all for your overwhelming support for the first chapter of this. I hope you continue to enjoy reading it as much as I am writing it. ❤️❤️

Focusing was...difficult. 

Kihyun huffed as he deleted another take to start a new one. Maybe he was being too harsh on himself, but he wanted the song to be perfect. Now, if only his mind (and maybe his heart) would work together, he’d be in much better shape. Hell, he’d be done recording by now. Unfortunately, his thoughts kept straying two floors below the studio. He wanted nothing more than to run downstairs to the gym and find Shownu; interrupt his workout and find out just what the hell was going on between them. Had his comment about marriage just been teasing? Did he truly look towards that in the future? What else had the other been thinking about these last few years?

He shook his head. No. This, to Kihyun at least, felt like the very first of what would probably be many tests for them. He couldn’t allow himself to dive in head first without having a clear idea of the rules and repercussions of his actions. Work came first. It had too. He had to keep his head square on his shoulders; no matter how badly he wanted to give in to the surge of happy energy that filled his chest. They would have time to talk. Baby steps. 

It was hard though; to control his thoughts. Kihyun’s memory kept feeding him every time through the years that Shownu had ever done anything for him. All the times he’d silently helped with whatever needed done without complaint. The way he allowed Kihyun to nag him and pester him. The man had more patience in his pinky finger than Kihyun did in his entire body. And maybe...maybe that’s why he’d been so drawn to the other man from the beginning. Even before he’d realized what his feelings truly were, he’d felt some kind of magnetic pull. That’s why it had torn him apart when it had finally dawned on him, during No Mercy, that Shownu hated everything about him. (Now he understands that hadn’t been true). At the time, he’d pushed himself even harder, trying to prove his worth to both himself and the man that he’d thought was trying to hold him back. 

Things had been awkward at best once they’d debuted. Emotions had been high already due to the stress and uncertainty and Kihyun had honestly been strung the fuck out; overwhelmed by his own emotions and anxieties. In that time, he’d somehow found himself once again gravitating to the calmness of Shownu’s personality to soothe the storm in his soul. Just being around him seemed to allow Kihyun to breathe easier whether he wanted to admit it or not. 

It had still taken a couple years for some kind of mutual respect to grow between them. Kihyun had been so sure that, though they’d seemed closer, Shownu simply put up with him because it was easier than causing conflict. Now though… looking back, he wondered just where he’d missed the signs. If Shownu really harbored true feelings for him, then his silent support suddenly seemed so much more important. Maybe if he’d paid more attention he’d have realized how close they really were. Kihyun thought to the handful of hoodies and shirts in his closet that he’d stolen over the years that, though he obviously noticed, Shownu never commented on and never asked for them back. That alone should have been a sign. 

Another sigh. This last take had been much better; it was going to have to do, he decided, listening through it one more time. Just before he was about to transfer the file to his laptop, his phone pinged with a new message. 

**Nunu**  
Can I walk you home?   
I’ll wait if you need more time. 

**Kiki**  
I’m almost done, actually.  
I’ll come meet you downstairs.

Kihyun took his time turning off the equipment and lights, making sure everything was the same as he’d found it, and maybe he was stalling just a bit. Apparently his nerves didn’t care if they were being logical or not. Why was he so nervous anyway? They’d kissed, sort of, already so really there was no reason to be so apprehensive. Except… he was terrified, wasn’t he?

By the time he made it down two floors and walked through the gym doors, he was practically vibrating with nervous energy. Kihyun stopped just outside the locker room where he could hear Shownu humming to himself. 

“Uh, you decent in there?” He called out. 

A quiet chuckle reached his ears. “I am now. Come on in.” 

He found Shownu sitting on one of the benches, tying his shoes, a towel around his neck. Without asking permission, Kihyun took the towel and started rubbing it over his still dripping hair. The action was comfortable; he’d done this many times before but not since Christmas. He hadn’t realized how much he missed their closeness. 

“New conditioner? Smells like lavender.” He said when he was done, running his fingers through the damp strands. 

Shownu nodded. “It makes me sleepy though. So do your fingers when you do that. Did you finish your recording?”

“Mhm. It’s not perfect but my opinion may be a bit biased.” He answered, just able to stop himself from pressing his nose into the hair between his hands. 

“I can’t wait to hear it. Could I listen to it when we get home?”

The thought of home helped clear his head a bit and Kihyun pulled his hands away, stepping back. “I think we need to talk first. Don’t you think?”

A heavy sigh. “From the tone of your voice, I think it would be better if we didn’t. But I know you well enough to know it’s going to happen anyway.” Shownu said as he stood up and grabbed his bag from the floor. He tossed his towel in the bin and gestured towards the door. “Ready?”

Now he felt like a jerk and he wasn’t even sure why. They did need to talk! It wasn’t as if they were everyday people who met and decided to date. There were...roadblocks. 

“If you aren’t willing to talk things out with me… Then there’s no reason for us to leave together. I need structure a- and answers. If you know me as well as you claim, then you know how untethered I feel right now.”

Shownu said nothing, but Kihyun could see the understanding in the way his gaze softened. He reached out to lift Kihyun’s hood up over his head. “It’s gotten colder in the last couple hours.” He all but whispered, slipping his much larger hand around Kihyun’s, and pulling him from the room. 

Kihyun felt the pressure in his chest evaporate as they made their way out of the building, using the stairs this time, for obvious reasons. He knew that this was how they were. Shownu was never one to use too many words and he sometimes used too many. As long as they could come to some kind of understanding, then it was fine like this. 

“What can I do to help you feel more in control?” Shownu finally asked once they were on the sidewalk. The sky had darkened while they’d been inside but the lights of the city kept the night at bay. 

He took a moment to collect his thoughts as his shoulder bumped against the taller man’s arm. “I need...to know what you want, I guess. What are- What are your intentions with me?”

“Intentions? I’m not sure that’s the best way to word that question, but I understand. You want to know if that comment I made was a joke or not, right? Well, it wasn’t, but I’m obviously not asking you to marry me right here and now. I feel like you and I are kind of past that courting stage, I mean, we’ve lived together for years now. Not to say that I don’t want to take you on dates and try to impress you; it’s just that we don’t have to go through the awkward ‘get to know each other’ stage. I want to call you my boyfriend. I know that we’ll have to be extremely careful when we’re in public, but it’s not like we don’t… we haven’t casually touched each other in public before. So I think it’s more suspicious that we haven’t been lately than if we accidentally do now.”

Kihyun mulled that over for a second. Shownu made a good point. Everyone in their group was like that to some extent. Skinship wasn’t something they’d ever shied away from. “I agree with that. Just nothing too overboard. I’m not like you; I don’t hide emotions well, so you can’t tease me too much or anything that you wouldn’t have done before, if that makes sense? I want to tell the others. Maybe not management, not for a while anyway, but the members deserve to know. Once they know, then we can call it official. Until we tell them, we can’t just walk into the dorm hand in hand like this. We have been so distant lately and I don’t want them to be blindsided.”

Shownu was nodding, squeezing his hand. “I can handle that, but I want to tell them soon. I promise I won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable in public. What about after we tell them? At some point, we have to tell management. I’m willing to go through with that when you’re ready.”

“I don’t want to go to them prematurely. We’ll give it a month? After that, if you haven’t decided I’m too much to handle, then we’ll talk to them.” Shownu hummed in agreement so he continued. “What about- Um, what about other stuff? What else do you expect from me?”

That earned him a short laugh. “Kiki, are you asking about sex? Obviously I’m not expecting you to do something if you can’t even say the word.”

“I can say it!! I just- Stop it! You said you wouldn’t tease!”

“Okay, okay. Seriously though, that’s something that we can talk about later. Besides, we live in a dorm with four other men. You think we’ll ever get that much privacy?” He asked, a cute smile on his face, and Kihyun scoffed. 

“You make a fair point. I only ask because, well, I’ve never dated anyone before. I don’t know how to do this. I didn’t know if that’s expected.”

“I don’t really expect anything different from you than what you already give me. Being your boyfriend, I reserve the right to hold your hand in appropriate situations, hug you just a little longer than everyone else, and to kiss you in the kitchen while you’re making breakfast before everyone wakes up.”

Now Kihyun caught himself grinning again. “I think- I think I can agree to those terms. And as your boyfriend, I reserve the right to bitchslap anyone who tries to touch you. Also, you have to eat my cooking even when it’s...experimental.”

Shownu really was laughing now but Kihyun didn’t mind. 

“You’re going to make the perfect wife, Ki.”

Kihyun jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow.   
_____________________ 

"Wait. Wait. Just a second, let's not get too close yet." 

Kihyun honestly felt like pouting as he was pulled to a stop. "It's so cold. My nose is freezing! And you're going to keep me out here even longer? Don't you care at all?"

His boyfriend (boyfriend!!) only rolled his eyes and leaned down to kiss the tip of his nose. "You're being a bit dramatic, aren't you? It's just...who knows when we'll be alone again, and I think I already forgot how that kiss in the elevator felt. Could you remind me?"

Oh how he wanted to be snarky. Kihyun narrowed his eyes. "Now who's being dramatic? Fine, fine. But be quick before I turn into a popsicle."

This time when their lips met, Kihyun allowed himself the luxury of curling his arms around Shownu's neck as the older man's own slipped around his waist. He broke the kiss with a giggle when he felt his feet lifted off the ground. Normally, that would have made him lose his temper a bit but this time, he just felt safe. 

"You taste like...banana?" 

Kihyun chuckled again. How much more could he smile today? "I made banana bread earlier before I left for the studio. Brought a couple pieces with me."

Shownu scoffed. "You didn't bring any to share?"

"Aren't I sharing with you now?"

"Good point." He answered, leaning back up to kiss him again. His tongue was warm, licking at Kihyun's lips, asking for permission that was easily given. He parted his lips and the kiss became that much deeper. 

Kihyun felt a moan bubbling up with throat before he could stop it, releasing the vibrating sound against Shownu's lips. His boyfriend pulled back just enough that their noses still touched. 

"You okay, Ki?"

He nodded. Honestly, it was a little embarrassing how turned on he was getting by just a kiss. But, he'd n- "Never been kissed like that before. Not that I've had many opportunities."

Shownu sat him back on his feet. "Is that something we should talk about? Previous... opportunities?" He asked, the pad of his thumb gently brushing over his heated cheek like a reassurance. 

"Probably. In full disclosure, I've only ever been with one person and that's how I found out I wasn't into girls. So that's the extent of my experiences. After that, I was too busy. I um, actually had never kissed a guy until that Christmas party."

Kihyun caught the way Shownu was forcing himself not to smile. Was he laughing at him in his head? 

"Well, as long as we're putting it out there, I've only ever been with girls. I mean, I've always been attracted to both but you were the first guy I felt attracted to enough to entertain the thought of a relationship. You're the first I've kissed too. So we're even, experience wise."

Oh. 

Ooooh.

Kihyun tried (and failed) to keep it off his face how happy those words had made him. "Ah, well, that's- that's good. Oh god, you don't have any kids I don't know about, right?" He teased, trying to work passed the awkward moment he'd created. 

Shownu just laughed and took his hand again. "Only if you count Jooheon. I do believe he had adoption papers drawn up."

"Don't you dare sign them."

Back to their usual teasing, Kihyun felt more relaxed, even if he was loath to let go of his boyfriend's hand as they neared the dorm. They'd been in the middle of conversation about asking their manager if they were allowed a bike ride when they opened the front door only to be met by an unmovable wall also known as Minhyuk. 

"What are you doing standing here like this?" Kihyun asked, trying to move past him, but Minhyuk wasn't having it. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared them down. 

"I took the trash out. Like I'm supposed to."

Kihyun frowned, glancing back at Shownu to see if he had any idea what was going on. He only shook his head.

"Min, what are you talki-"

"Just tell me, are our mom and dad finally getting married? Or was that kiss nothing?"

Oh. FUCK.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note- this story was not planned. I'm making things up as I go with no clear ending. There will be drama but for now, please just enjoy some fluffy moments. 
> 
> Also, I AM OT7. That being said, I cannot for the life of me write Wonho as a character. I love him to pieces but I have left this as an ot6 fic because I know I can't do him justice. 
> 
> One minor thing, I know we've seen the new forms, but...for the sake of this fic, I'm making up my own layout. 
> 
> Please enjoy!!! And let me know your thoughts!!!

Awkward would have been an understatement. A massive understatement. 

Minhyuk was looking at them like they’d been caught with their hands in a cookie jar and Kihyun kept looking back like he was hoping Shownu would answer all the questions and make this all go away. Of fucking course someone had seen them. All he’d wanted was two minutes alone with his boyfriend. He’d needed to have Kihyun close again before they were inevitably pulled apart by responsibility. 

Maybe this would be okay though. Knowing Kihyun, he would have wanted to wait until the perfect moment to tell the other members and Shownu knew damn well that there would never be a ‘perfect’ moment. Minhyuk catching them simply took the choice away from them and he couldn’t help but think it was a blessing in disguise. 

With a sigh, he put a hand to Kihyun’s lower back. “Min, can we at least come in first? Gather everyone else and we’ll explain.” Shownu told him, feeling his boyfriend relax against his hand. 

Minhyuk's white-again hair bounced as he shook his head, mumbling to himself as he walked away. At least he hadn't argued for once in his life. 

"Hey." He started, touching Kihyun's arm when he bent to put his shoes on the rack. "I'm sorry. I didn't know anyone would see us. I'll be more careful from now on. Don't be angry, please."

Kihyun frowned, pulling his hood off. Shownu couldn’t help but smile at the shake of light brown hair. This had always been his favorite color on him. It didn’t distract from the dark depths of his eyes. “I’m not angry. A little in shock, but not angry. Just because they’re finding out so soon doesn’t mean anything has to progress any faster. We- we deserve to take our time and do this the right way, don’t we? Besides, I wanted that kiss just as much as you did. It’s not only your fault. Stop taking the blame for everything that happens between us.” 

Shownu nodded, unable to stop himself from pressing a quick kiss to his forehead. “We do deserve it. And I’m still the leader, Ki, it’s my responsibility to take the blame.”

“Not between you and me. Not when it comes to this relationship. We’re equals. When I fuck up, I will take the blame.”

“Kihyun, watch your language.” He teased. “My future wife shouldn’t speak like that.”

Kihyun’s jaw tensed, his eyes narrowed. “Your ‘future wife’ is about to kick your ass! I’ll say whatever the fu-” 

He  _ had  _ to cut him off with another kiss. Simply had to. Shownu tried his best to school his expression as he took Kihyun’s hand and led him into the common area between the separated dorms. His boyfriend was still mumbling something about being a 50’s housewife, his tone sassy, and it made it twice as hard to keep a straight face. 

Jooheon and Changkyun were the first to make an appearance, and though he tried to pull his hand free, Shownu kept his fingers tight around Kihyun’s own where their hands were joined in the younger’s lap. The other two didn’t seem to notice anyway. Jooheon sat down against the end of the sofa, pulling a sleepy looking Changkyun into his lap, and sure enough, the younger rapper laid his head on his shoulder and closed his eyes. 

“He was sleeping when Min came to get us. It’s late. What’s this about?” Jooheon asked, arms tightening around the man in his lap. It still warmed his chest to see the two so close, remembering how cold they’d all been to Changkyun at first. 

Shownu glanced at the clock on the wall and was a little shocked to see it was nearing midnight. He hadn’t expected to be out this late and he suddenly felt bad for this forced meeting, but it needed to be done. 

“It’ll be quick. I promise.” Kihyun replied for him, the same look of sympathy on his face that Shownu felt. 

Before long, Hyungwon and Minhyuk entered the room, a giant bag of chips shared between them as they took up room on the other end of the sofa. Shownu caught how Hyungwon’s hand squeezed Changkyun’s shoulder as he sat down. They really had become a family, hadn’t they? 

“So, what’s this about?” Changkyun asked, finally blinking his eyes open enough to reach for the bag of chips only to be denied. 

“Well.” Kihyun started, rubbing his hand on his jeans. “You guys know that things between Shownu and I have been kind of tense since-”

“Since you both tried to break each other’s teeth with that kiss at Christmas.” Jooheon interjected. 

Kihyun’s eyes snapped up to his own. “It was that bad?”

Shownu only shrugged. 

“Uh, yeah, anyway, it turns out there was a kind of misunderstanding between us, but we’ve worked that out, and now we need to talk to you guys about something kind of important.”

Minhyuk scoffed, rolling his eyes like the petulant child he was. “All in favor of Showki becoming a real thing, raise your hands.” He said, hand shooting up in the air. How was he always so shameless?! And yet, before Kihyun could say anything, every other hand in the room went up in the air, including Shownu’s. “See? No need to make a big deal out of it. We’ve been waiting literal years for you two to get together.”

Changkyun sat up straighter then. “We could turn the empty room into an actual game room.”

Minhyuk was nodding in agreement. “Oh yeah! Good idea. We’ll just have to move Shownu out first.”

“Wait. Wait.” Kihyun interrupted them. “What are you talking about ‘empty room’? No one is moving anywhere.”

He was met with four frowning faces from the sofa, but only Hyungwon spoke up. “Wouldn’t you two want to share a room if you’re together? It makes more sense to move Shownu instead of you.”

“That’s- No.” Kihyun shook his head. “I mean… Maybe sometime in the future, but for right now, nothing changes. We’ve decided to wait for some time before going to management. And we wanted you guys to know first because this could affect you and you have the right to an opinion. But...the time is also for us to make sure this is what we want, too. Things shouldn’t be too different honestly, and we’ll keep the uh…” He turned his head, a pleading look in his eyes and a blush spreading across his cheeks. 

“We’ll keep the PDA to minimum.” Shownu finished for him. 

“You shouldn’t have to do that.” Changkyun piped up, pointing a finger over at Minhyuk and Hyungwon. “If these two can make out in the bed  _ above  _ mine, then you and Kihyun shouldn’t have to hide either.”

“We thought you were  _ asleep _ !” Minhyuk hissed. 

“And miss the show? Not to mention those cute little whimpers? No way was I sleeping.”

Hyungwon laughed. “You really are a perv. For the record, there’s a reason I’ve always called him ‘puppy’.”

“Wait. Are you two…?” Kihyun asked, a frown settling on his face again. 

Minhyuk waved a hand in the air. “No no. We just got bored and it was cold. We’re too good of friends to date. Calm down, mom.”

“All I’m saying,” Changkyun continued. “Is that until this is made public, the dorm is really the only ‘safe’ place. There’s no reason you guys shouldn’t be comfortable here. None of us are gonna care.” 

Shownu feels a little tug at his heart at the same time Kihyun squeezes his hand just a bit more tightly; he’d felt it too. No one says anything else on the subject and before long everyone has returned to their rooms, leaving the two of them alone once again. 

“I can’t believe they were going to rearrange furniture for us.” Kihyun chuckles, leaning slightly into his side. 

“We have good friends, Ki. The best, really. I’m...happy they know now. How about you? How are you feeling?” He asks, wrapping his arm around him, hand patting his hip. 

Kihyun sighs and relaxes further. “Good, I think. I’m thankful for once that Min was nosey. I think now I’m just tired. It’s been a long day. Oh, tomorrow is Tuesday. Since we’re speaking again, are you going to start coming to the store with me again too?” 

“Mhm. If you’re okay with it. It’d be nice to get out for awhile. I was told this morning that we’ll be able to start full practices again at the beginning of next week. Remind me to tell everyone tomorrow. I’ve never been so excited to have some kind of schedule again.”

“I think we’re all feeling that way.”

Shownu nodded, then stood from the sofa. “Come on. Bed time.” He said, offering his hand. 

“Ah, I will go soon. I have laundry to fold before I can- Shownu! Put me down!” Kihyun hit his fists against his back as Shownu picked him up off the couch. 

“No laundry. It’s almost one in the morning. It’ll be there tomorrow.”

“Okay okay! I’ll go to bed, you stubborn ass. Put me down before someone sees you carrying me around like a sack of potatoes.” His words were annoyed but he was laughing when Shownu sat him down on the stairs leading up to the bedrooms. 

“You know, as much as you complain about being shorter or not as strong or  _ whatever _ , I think part of you likes being manhandled.” Shownu teased, poking a finger at his boyfriend’s cheek. 

Kihyun smacked his hand away, trying, and failing, to drop the grin from his face. “I- Sometimes I do feel kind of inferior to the rest of you, but I’m trying to look at myself more positively. And as your boyfriend, I reserve the right to ask that you not share this information with everyone else because…” He paused, suddenly much less jovial. “You’re the only one that doesn’t make me feel that way, ‘kay? I like myself when I’m around you. So don’t- don’t make me regret that.”

Ah. So he truly was insecure about this? “Don’t worry. Your secrets- all of your secrets -are safe with me. But whatever I can do to help you feel more self assured, tell me. I reserve the right to take time out of my day to tell you how perfect you are.”

“No! No, no.” Kihyun put a finger to his lips. “No. You can’t say things like that to me. You can’t start doing that.”

“Can’t start doing what?”

“Saying sweet things to me. It’s too much.”

Shownu shook his head. He could see how his words had embarrassed the other man, but honestly, he didn’t care. “You know, I’ve held back years worth of sappy, sweet, comments from you. If you’re gonna be with me, you’re gonna have to deal with it. And if I wanna compliment you, that’s what I’ll do. I don’t need your permission.”

Kihyun blinked at him a few times before biting his bottom lip to keep himself from smiling. “That...was actually kind of hot. Are you going to keep being so bossy, too?”

“I’m going to walk away, that’s what I’m going to do.”

“No, no, wait. Don’t go yet. Come back here, please?”

Trying to keep the smirk off his face, Shownu turned back to find Kihyun with his hand outstretched towards him. “I’ll keep being bossy, if you keep begging.”

“Ha! I was not begging. I’ll never beg. I don’t beg.”

“Oh, Kiki, give it time. I promise, you’ll beg.”

The punch to his shoulder almost had some muscle behind it. “Shut the hell up. Get out of here. I have to go to bed.” He snapped, turning to go upstairs. 

“Goodnight, Kihyun. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

***********

Kihyun was already awake, the kitchen smelling wonderful, by the time Shownu toddled in just after eight. Usually they would be up no later than seven but lately, with their schedules lessened, they'd been able to sleep more. He took a moment to observe his boyfriend before getting his attention. He loved the way Kihyun seemed to fill a space with warmth when he was alone; softly humming to himself, relaxed and comfortable. He looked so soft and warm and Shownu wanted to hug him, but he wouldn't. 

"Good morning." He said, opening a cabinet and pulling out a coffee mug. 

Kihyun glanced away from the onion he was cutting and offered him a frown. "Just 'good morning'?"

"Uh, good morning, Kihyun?"

The younger rolled his eyes. "I thought you were reserving the right to kiss me in the kitchen in the morning?" 

Ah. Shownu sat his mug down and took the knife from Kihyun's hand, laying it on the cutting board. He then slipped his arms around his waist and pulled him closer. Kihyun's hands squeezed his arms as he lifted on his toes and initiated the kiss. It was sweet, not fueled by the passion from last night, just a comfortable press of lips. Shownu was admittedly surprised when his boyfriend's arms slipped around his waist and he laid his head on his shoulder. This hadn't been part of their agreement but he wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. 

"Good morning, sweetheart." He whispered.

"Sappy." Kihyun's lips ghosted against his neck when he spoke. "It is a good morning. Maybe I'll just stay here for the rest of the day."

"You wouldn't hear me complaining, but how about I help you finish breakfast?"

An hour later Shownu found himself elbow deep in sudsy water, finishing up the breakfast dishes while Minhyuk talked a million miles an hour beside him. 

"You know," Minhyuk stopped his rambling for a moment, drying off another plate. "I'm sorry about last night. I forced you and Kihyunnie to tell everyone and I shouldn't have done that. I really am sorry."

Shownu glanced over at his younger member, who's eyes were hidden beneath white fringe. This was fairly normal for Minhyuk. He tended to act before thinking but he'd always come apologizing later. This time though, it wasn't necessary. 

"Don't stress about it, Min. I think you did us a favor to be honest. We were going to tell you all soon anyway. Perhaps I should be thanking you, actually."

Minhyuk scoffed. "Well, that's a first. Hm. I'm happy for you guys, you know? We've been waiting for something to happen between you two. I think the fans have been too. Wait. Will you tell them? Monbebe will be so happy for you, too."

Shownu so badly wanted that to be true. He wanted nothing more than to stand up and tell the whole world that Kihyun was finally his but that wasn't realistic. 

"Minhyuk." Shownu said his name slowly and Minhyuk's eyes lifted to his own. He knew things were serious if Shownu was using his full name. "I need for you to watch what you say about this. Can you do that for me? I know how you think.  _ You  _ are happy for us and you want to believe that others will be too, but you know better than that, Min. You know how cruel people can be. For the foreseeable future, no one can know outside of the group. We'll decide what to do after we talk to management, but you have to keep this quiet for us. Please."

Minhyuk chewed on his bottom lip, a bad habit. "I promise I won't tell anyone. I won't say anything. You can trust me. I don't want to hurt anyone."

With his hands soapy, Shownu leaned over and pressed a kiss to his friend's hair. "I know you don't, and I do trust you. Don't worry too much. Here, this is the last plate."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another sweet chapter. A bit more on what's going on in Kihyun's head. Don't worry, there's a bit of drama in the next chapter!! Happy New Year everyone!!!

“What’s with that face? Did you think I’d changed my mind?”

Kihyun shook his head as Shownu closed the van door behind himself. “No, I knew you wouldn’t, but where is Yujun going?” He asked. Their manager had walked right past Shownu into the dorm. 

“Ah. He wanted to tell the others about practice starting, and said something about a surprise. He’ll tell us when he gets back. By the way, Min apologized to me earlier, for forcing us last night. I told him it wasn’t necessary, right?”

“Of course not. Was he okay?”

Shownu nodded. “He was. Everything’s fine. You seem antsy again. Ki, we don’t have to do this, you know? If it’s too much, we’ll still be friends. I don’t want to add more stress on you.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Kihyun turned in his seat, instinctually reaching out to grip the other man’s knee. “I don’t want that. I don’t want to ever not be kissed in the morning again, ‘kay? You aren’t adding stress. Believe it or not, you make me less anxious; I’m just not as good at hiding it when you’re around. No, you’re not going to break up with me already.”

“I guarantee if we break up, it won’t be my choice, but okay. Tell me what you’re thinking then. I can see the wheels turning a million miles a minute.”

“I’m going to ask about our contracts. I want to know if there is anything in them prohibiting dating. Or anything to do with it at all. I need to make sure there’s nothing we’re doing now that could come back to bite us later. I know maybe that’s jumping the gun a bit but it’s important. And I want you to know that I’m taking this seriously.”

Shownu sighed, a sound Kihyun was becoming quite familiar with, before turning towards him too. He had to stop himself from flinching as a large hand cupped his cheek. He was so used to trying to avoid contact that he had to actually force himself to sit still. It wasn't that he minded his friends hugging him or touching him, but in public it always made him feel too vulnerable; he was too easily embarrassed. This was different though. It was just him and his boyfriend for fucks sake. He could handle this. He wanted Shownu to touch him; to be the one he could be most vulnerable around. 

"Ki, I'm gonna say something sappy again, okay?"

Kihyun allowed himself to lean into his hand. "Okay."

"I have no doubt that you're taking this seriously. Hell, you're worrying enough for the both of us. I think it's a good idea for you to ask about the contracts, but after that, you have to relax. We've got the next five days before practice starts, I want to spend it helping you relax. Whatever you want to do, if it helps, we'll do it."

"Even if destressing for me means deep cleaning the dorm?"

Shownu nodded, his thumb brushing so gently over this cheek bone. "Even that. I'll help you. Besides, no matter how much I hate cleaning, I don't mind if I get to spend the time with you."

Kihyun felt his cheeks burning. "You warned me, and I still can't handle it. Sheesh."

"That's good though, isn't it? You're so cute when you get embarrassed."

"Shownu, stop!" He hissed, putting his hand over the older man's mouth. "If you don't want us to get caught, you have to stop. You can embarrass me all you want later, but please stop for now."

His boyfriend chuckled, eyes glancing out the window behind him. "Alright, alright. Yujun-hyung is coming back anyway. I'll behave."

They were halfway to the market by the time Kihyun finally worked himself up enough to speak. He’d planned out what he wanted to say but was still worried he’d somehow out them. 

“Yujun-hyung, can I ask a strange question?” He asked, leaning forward in his seat. 

Their manager glanced at him in the rearview mirror. “You just did. Ah, okay you look serious. What’s up?”

“It’s- um… Well, I wanted to ask if you knew what was in our contracts about dating? It’s been so long that I can’t remember…”

“There wasn’t much.” Yujun replied, a slight frown on his face. “Have you met someone, Kihyun?”

Kihyun forced himself not to glance at Shownu, nodding instead. “I may have. But I want to make sure I’m not breaking any rules before it goes any further. And I’m not sure how serious it is yet, either.” That was a lie, at least on his part, but felt necessary to say. 

“Hmm. Well, I trust you to handle this correctly. Your contracts don’t forbid dating, but they do state that any potential relationship has to be reported in a timely manner so nothing gets out before the company can get in front of it. I don’t think that’s asking too much, right? So I do expect you to come to me before things get too terribly serious. Is...is this person you’ve met an idol too?”

Strange that he didn’t say woman. Did Yujun know he wasn’t interested in them? Would that make a difference? “H- They are, yes.” He caught himself. 

“Then both companies need to be informed before things escalate. I’m trusting you, because I believe you to be level headed enough to deal with this, but you know how often relationships like this end badly.”

“I will take time to think about it and let you know as soon as a decision has been made.” Kihyun answered. He knew why Yujun was cautioning him; he’d seen so many couples break up because of stress put on them by work, but this was different. He and Shownu weren’t in separate groups that would never see one another. 

“Good to know. Now, I told the others before we left but I need to fill you two in on the plans for the next few days.”

Kihyun felt a strange sense of anticipation growing in his chest as he listened to their manager. Apparently their behaviour during the lockdown had been exemplary and Yujun was rewarding them by taking his own mini vacation before things started up again. Which meant he wouldn’t be checking in on them unless they needed him to. They’d be...as alone as was possible for them. And tonight he’d offered to pick them up junk food for dinner so they could have a movie night. Kihyun couldn’t help but wonder if he’d be able to get some alone time with his boyfriend too. 

The trip to the store made him realize how much he’d missed spending this time with Shownu. Beyond any romantic feelings he’d held for the older man, they had been friends first and he’d truly missed that easy camaraderie between them. Yujun dropped them back off at the dorm, saying he’d be back that evening with dinner, and the others filtered into the kitchen to help put things away. They were obviously excited for the night too. 

They’d chosen a horror movie, despite Jooheon’s continued protests, which meant they’d put on something funny afterwards so everyone would actually sleep. Kihyun didn’t care; he liked scary movies. So instead he made his way into the kitchen and started picking up what was left of their dinner and putting things away. After he sat the last of the dishes to dry, he took his phone out. Sometimes he liked to scroll through Twitter to see what their fans were tagging them in and he was never disappointed by how enthusiastic they were. He especially loved their video edits from their concerts. Sometimes Monbebe made them look so much cooler than they really were. 

Kihyun’s thumb paused on another video, the thumbnail catching his eye. He kept the volume low, just enough he could hear, and played it. The video was...a compilation of Shownu’s solo stages and fancams. Kihyun paused the video, looking towards the entrance of the kitchen before playing it again. Even before they’d debuted, he’d always been enthralled by watching the man dance. No matter what kind of style he was working with, Shownu made it look so easy, like every movement was a natural extension of himself. A string of clips from the performance music video for Alligator had Kihyun dragging the marker back to play them again. An unsettling heat flared in his chest as he watched. 

That day...had been a test of willpower for many reasons. By the end of shooting they’d been completely soaked through and his clothes had been by no means comfortable. Not to mention the water had been warm, doing absolutely nothing to cool them off. And Kihyun had felt like the entirety of his skin was on fire; mainly due to embarrassment. He’d screwed up multiple times because he couldn’t keep his eyes from straying to Shownu over and over. He’d seen the man almost naked before but somehow this...this had been worse. The loose fitting white shirt had plastered to his skin, see through from the water, and Kihyun’s hands had itched to help him take it off. He’d watched a single drip of water roll from his hair to his neck, just barely able to stop himself from licking it off. Only a freezing cold shower had cooled him off once they’d returned home. 

And now? Now he knew what it was like to be held against that strong chest, to be squeezed by those arms (fuck, those arms!), and he could touch all of him because Shownu was his boyfriend. Kihyun was the one this beautiful, gentle, man wanted and just the thought left his lips parting just to breathe. A small moan was bubbling its way up his throat when he heard his name called from the hallway. 

“Kihyun? Are you in-” Shownu cut off as their eyes met across the kitchen island and Kihyun fumbled to lock his phone. “Ki, you alright?”

“Y-yeah. I was just cleaning up. Um, did you need something?” What the fuck kind of question was that?

“No. Well, yes, but I found him. What were you looking at?” He lowered his voice, leaning on the counter. “Were you watching porn in our kitchen?”

Kihyun choked on an inhale. “What?! Of course I wasn’t. What the hell?”

Shownu only laughed. “You were blushing and breathing hard. What was I supposed to think? Come on, what were you watching? Now you gotta tell me.”

He sighed, resigned to his embarrassing fate because yes, he’d just been turned on by a damn video. “Fine. But don’t laugh.” Kihyun said, sliding the phone across the countertop and letting his forehead hit the surface so he didn’t have to see his boyfriend’s reaction. 

The music played once again only to stop a few moments later. “Kiki, look at me.”

“No.”

“Don’t be stubborn.”

Kihyun refused to lift his head even when he heard Shownu walking around the island to stand behind him. Arms slipped around his waist, the same arms he’d just been fantasizing about, and pulled him upright. “Yoo Kihyun. Were you getting worked up watching videos of me? Hmm?”

His voice was like silk against Kihyun’s ear, leaving him shivering and hot at the same time. “I- It wasn’t li- Fuck.” He cursed. “The Alligator video… You just about killed me that day, you know? I’d never wanted to be a button up shirt so much in my life.” 

He felt Shownu’s hand slide up his chest, resting just over his wildly palpitating heart. “Then you know how I was feeling that day too. Watching you, hearing you, singing and soaking wet. That was not good for my heart.”

He was going to die right here in the kitchen. “I think-” Kihyun stopped, taking a deep breath. He allowed himself to lean back. “I think I’d like to kiss you again.”

Shownu smiled, dropping a kiss to his shoulder. “Why don’t we call it a night then? I’ll tell the others we’re going to bed.”

Wait. Did that mean he didn’t want to…? Kihyun nodded, extracting himself from Shownu’s grip. He couldn’t be mad about this. It had been his idea to take things slow; he couldn’t be upset now that Shownu was enforcing it. 

“Ah, sure, sure. It’s getting late anyway.” 

Kihyun sighed, then forced himself up the stairs to his room. His routine was slower than usual but twenty minutes later he switched off the bathroom light and shuffled barefoot back into the bedroom. Shownu was sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Oh. You’re here. I thought you’d gone to bed.” He said, putting his things away and reaching for his hoodie. Wearing a stolen shirt to bed? Nope. Not Kihyun. No one saw that.

“I told the guys we were going to bed. I hadn’t had actual plans of doing so, but then you disappeared up here and I thought maybe I had given you the wrong impression. I just wanted some alone time with you. Come here.”

Kihyun took Shownu’s outstretched hand, dropping his hoodie, and allowed himself to be pulled between the other man’s knees. “I thought asking to kiss you was too much. I know we said we’d take things slow, but…” He trailed off as warm hands fit to his hips”

“You wearing only my t-shirt to bed is too much. You’re too much." 

"I'm not naked under here, you know."

Shownu smirked, hands trailing down his sides to the back of his thighs. "You could be. I wouldn't want you to go to sleep uncomfortable, after all."

Kihyun slapped at his shoulder with a huff. Then in a moment of courage, he fit his hands around the back of Shownu's neck and climbed onto his lap. "I wouldn't be sleeping uncomfortably if you were next to me."

"Are you asking me to stay with you tonight?" 

"I think so. Unless you don't want to, then I understand. It is fast."

Before he got the chance to get up, Shownu's arms tightened around his waist, lips pressing to his neck. They couldn't leave any marks but that didn't stop the wet trail of kisses that trailed up to his lips. Kissing Shownu was becoming an addiction. He didn't hesitate to open this time, angling his head so he could get just that much closer. His fingers dug into soft silver hair, tugging as he was bent backwards, thrown off balance, and his neck was attacked again. 

"Ah… Shownu… wait. S-stop. Baby, stop." Kihyun moaned, though he didn't let go of his hair. 

Shownu pulled back, his lips were red and parted on a pant. His eyes were so dilated they seemed all black. It was enough for Kihyun to almost suggest they continue. 

"What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Kihyun nodded, lifting his hands to frame that face he loved so much. "I'm fine. I'm fine. I just- we have to stop before we go too far. Will you stay with me though?"

"I think maybe I've gone too far already." Shownu teased, leaning forward to press his forehead to Kihyun's chest. "I will stay though. I'm going to get a drink, take a moment to cool down, then I'll be right back. You just get comfy, 'kay?" 

Before he could answer, Shownu tucked one arm around his waist and stood up. Kihyun knew he was blushing the color of a tomato but fuck if he cared. Being picked up so easily was hot and he wasn’t about to pretend he didn’t like it. Especially when one last kiss was placed on his lips as he was agonizingly slowly put back on his feet. And maybe he was a bit breathless, but he had a sneaking suspicion that had been Shownu’s intention to begin with. 

“Promise you’re coming back?” He asked, fingers curling around his boyfriend’s wrist when he turned to leave. Where this ugly bout of insecurity was coming from, Kihyun wasn’t sure, so he tried not to stress over it. 

“Promise.” 

Shownu squeezed his hand before leaving the room and Kihyun crawled into his bed, sitting with the duvet pulled up to his chin. A hollow feeling was spreading through his chest and he hated it; hated himself for it. This feeling of loneliness was nothing new to him; he’d felt it a few times in his life. It was simply his body’s reaction to letting his guard down. This was why, even though he felt close to his group members and the few friends he’d made, he didn’t let people in. Kihyun was aware of his bad qualities; his perfectionist tendencies, his quick temper, even his need for attention, but this was his worst. He hated how much he needed people. When he let his guard down and allowed himself to be comfortable with someone he grew attached far too quickly. His chest physically hurt from letting Shownu walk out of his room. It was childish and it left him feeling bitter and angry. Maybe them dating wasn’t such a great idea. 

This feeling would lead to bouts of anxiety he wasn’t ready to deal with. He remembered all too well sitting in his psychologist’s office after his first ‘girlfriend’ had broken up with him his first year of high school. The middle aged woman had explained to him that he was dealing with separation anxiety. He’d spent the next year wondering if it stemmed from his parent’s divorce and vowed never to date again. It wasn’t worth the heartache. And yet, here he was, curled up in his bed like a child, angry, because he’d felt legitimately scared that Shownu wasn’t going to come back when all he’d done was go downstairs. This was ridiculous. He was too old for this shit. He’d just have to tell Shownu this was too much. He couldn't afford to become dependent on the other man's presence. 

By the time Shownu returned, wearing only sleep sweats and a thin tank top, Kihyun had run through his speech in his head a thousand times. He'd been prepared but the sight of his boyfriend looking so comfy and knowing he had the chance to sleep cuddled up to him left him unable to articulate his problems. 

"Nunu, I need- Can we talk a minute?" He finally squeaked out before the other could get into his bed. 

Shownu stopped, his fingers releasing the duvet. "You never call me that unless you need something. What's going on?"

Kihyun closed his eyes, resting his chin on his raised knees. "We gotta break up. I can't date you."

Unsurprisingly, Shownu didn't react outwardly. "Okay. Can you at least tell me why?"

"Because I'm… I'll grow too attached to you and you'll get tired of me and if we go on with this too long then my heart won't be able to take it. We should break up now and save ourselves the trouble later."

His boyfriend nodded, pulling the duvet up and crawling into bed with him. "We could do that. Or you could accept that I've been with you long enough to know what I'm getting myself into and that I want you to get attached. You can stop worrying about me leaving, because I won't. So why don't we skip all that and go to sleep, hm?"

There was a word on the tip of Kihyun's tongue and he held it behind his teeth. He couldn't say it; not yet. He also couldn't keep the tears from building in his eyes. "I- Yeah, let's do that."

Shownu touched his face for a moment, wiping a tear from his cheek before laying down. Kihyun did the same, laying back and switching the lamp off above his headboard. 

Ten minutes went by but it might as well have been hours. Kihyun caught himself holding his breath just so it wouldn't sound so loud in the silence of his room. This was just...awkward. He had a feeling Shownu was playing the same game of staring at the ceiling. 

"This is weird. Isn't it?" He whispered, though he knew they were both awake. 

"It's...odd. Neither of us are ever going to fall asleep like this. Do you trust me?"

Strange question to be asking in the dark. "Mhm. I do."

He felt Shownu's hands on him then, tugging at him and rearranging his body until he was tucked against his chest. Kihyun could feel his heartbeat against his back and it helped him to relax just as much as the arms now holding him. Yes, this was definitely better.

"Comfy?"

Kihyun scoffed. "Very. Thank you...for this, and for staying."

"Goodnight Ki." Was the only response he got other than the hand holding his own tightening a bit. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are progressing...

After that first night, they’d spent every night they could get away with together. Despite Kihyun’s protests, they had spent the rest of the week just like Shownu had promised, and by the time they had gone back to practice on the following Monday, Kihyun had looked visibly more relaxed. 

That had been three months ago. They still hadn’t gone to their manager like they’d originally planned but neither of them minded much. They were using the time to become more comfortable with one another, or at least that’s what Kihyun had told Jooheon when he’d asked. The truth was they’d silently agreed that Kihyun needed more time to adjust. There had been multiple times where his anxieties still overwhelmed him but Shownu knew how to deal with it. He'd learned to remain calm and the less emotion he showed, the more Kihyun would listen. 

Sooner or later they would 'turn themselves in', as Minhyuk put it, but for now things were going well. And now that they'd begun performing, even without a live audience, all of them had been in better spirits. 

They'd spent the day at a photo shoot for their season's greetings package and since they had traveled away from Seoul, they had a chance to stay at a hotel instead of going back to the dorms. Somehow he and Kihyun had ended up rooming together and Shownu knew he'd have to thank his other members because surely they had something to do with it. 

"Can I shower first? Pleeeease? They put so much gel in my hair I'm afraid it'll sink into my brain if I have to wait." Kihyun was pleading, hanging off his arm and shaking his hand. Shownu had barely had time to lock the door before he'd started in. 

"Ah, I don't wanna wait though. Why don't we just share?"

Kihyun blushed on the spot, eyes widening before looking away. "Stop that. Don't tease. Just for that, you can wait." He said, his back stiff as he stepped into the bathroom. 

Shownu shook his head, moving to find his duffle bag. He knew better than to tease Kihyun like that but sometimes he just couldn’t help himself. They had made a pact when they started sleeping in the same bed that they wouldn’t go any further than kissing before they had approval from the company and honestly, Shownu was fine with it. Kihyun was worth the wait but teasing him just to watch his cheeks flare pink was too enticing now and then. 

Despite Shownu apologizing when he exited the bathroom, Kihyun still gave him the silent treatment. He’d be over it before they went to bed, Kihyun didn’t seem able to stay mad at him for very long and he was thankful for that. 

Half an hour later, Shownu pulled on a pair of sweats and decided against a shirt. The hotel room was too hot already. He was rubbing a towel over his hair as he turned the corner to find his boyfriend sitting cross legged on his bed still wrapped in the fluffy white hotel robe. His hair was still a mess, his skin flushed from his hot shower. Shownu wanted to eat him alive. 

“Shownu… I’m sorry I was mean. I know you were only teasing.” Kihyun all but whined, standing up from his bed and reaching for his hands. “Nunu…”

“Stop it, Ki. You can’t act like that and expect me to not throw you on that bed and take advantage of you.” He answered, grabbing Kihyun’s elbows so he couldn’t reach him. 

“But I apologized.” Now he was genuinely pouting and Shownu’s heart skipped a few important beats. He really couldn’t handle it when his boyfriend acted like this. Before they’d started dating he’d only seen this act from Kihyun when he had been desperately trying to pull Wonho out of a depression spiral. He’d never seen it directed at himself and truly, he had underestimated the power of it. God, even his bottom lip was sticking out. How the hell was he supposed to deny him anything? 

Shownu sighed. “You did, you did. What is it you want, Kiki?”

The smile that spread his boyfriend’s lips was blinding. “A kiss? You see, I’m just so tired. Today was so exhausting. I just want a little kiss before bed.”

That much was true. He did look tired, his words slurring just a bit at the end. Kihyun did tend to get kind of flirty and goofy when he was tired. That made sense. So behind his cute words, he wasn’t being a tease, he legitimately just wanted a kiss. So instead of chastising him, Shownu bent down and scooped the younger man up into his arms. For once, he seemed too tired to be embarrassed, his hands slipping behind Shownu’s neck as he sighed. 

“Where are you taking me?” Kihyun mumbled, laying his head on his shoulder. 

“Bathroom. You need to dry your hair before you sleep or you’ll get sick again.” He answered and Kihyun only hummed in agreement. Sleepy Kihyun was far too agreeable. He only complained when Shownu had sat him up on the counter and stepped away to gather clothes from his suitcase. “You can’t sleep in that. I’m just getting you something else to wear.” 

With some difficulty, mainly keeping Kihyun from trying to lean on him and sleep, Shownu was able to blow dry his hair. He then let the robe pool around his waist while pulling a long t-shirt over his head, thankful the other had at least been awake enough to put boxers on after his shower. Once he was dressed, Shownu picked him up again and carried him to one of the beds, tucking him under the blankets. He knelt down beside the bed and pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s forehead. A small smile tugged at his lips but Kihyun was already slipping into sleep. 

***********

The clock read 2AM the first time he woke up. A small whimpering noise dragged him into consciousness in time to feel his covers being lifted. 

“Cold.” Kihyun murmured, smashing himself against Shownu’s side. It was fine until he put his ice cube toes against his shins. That was a shock to his hazy system but he rolled on to his side to wrap his arms around his boyfriend and fell back asleep. 

The next time he wakes up is only a couple hours later and for a moment, Shownu thinks his skin is on fire. The room is too hot. It takes him a long moment to realize the heat is coming from the man in his arms, along with little moans of his name. Kihyun was dreaming, and it was a damn good dream if the sounds he was making were any indication. Shownu could only watch his face; the way his lips parted, his brows drawn in a frown. Kihyun had a death grip on his shoulder with one hand and the other was pressed against his chest. It wasn’t surprising that their legs had become entwined; that’s how they fell asleep most nights. What shocked him awake was the way Kihyun’s hips kept moving, pressing and rubbing against his thigh. Now that he was more awake, Shownu could feel how hard the other man was, even through his boxers. No wonder he was making so much noise…

The greedy part of him wanted to wait, to watch and find out if Kihyun would finish like this. Shownu wanted to see him fall apart. He’d dreamt of it so many times, but somehow this felt wrong. Kihyun wasn’t aware of what he was doing and Shownu knew him well enough to know he would be horrified to find out. So, instead of watching his fantasies play out before him, Shownu put his hand to Kihyun's burning cheek. 

"Ki, wake up. Come on, sweetheart, wake up." He said, brushing his thumb along his cheekbone. 

He'd tried to be gentle but it didn't help. Kihyun's entire body jerked as his eyes came open. His cheeks were still flushed, an expression of embarrassment settling onto his features. He tried to pull away from him but ended up only gripping on to his shoulder tighter as a breathy moan left his lips. 

"No, no. Fuck-"

"Shh." Shownu hushed him, dropping his hands down to the sweet curve of his ass. "Don't stop. Please don't stop."

Kihyun seemed confused, his body going rigid. Shownu took the opportunity to kiss him, delving into the depths of his mouth as he rolled him on to his back. He kept his thigh firmly wedged between his boyfriend's, pushing up against him until Kihyun was moving to meet him. He'd never seen anything quite as enticing as the panting, whining, man beneath him and couldn't help but lean down to bite at his chest through the thin shirt. That was all it took for Kihyun to fall apart, his hips stuttering, grinding uselessly against Shownu's thigh as he came. 

It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

The next time Kihyun opened his eyes, they were hazy and a bit unfocused. He'd gone boneless, gasping for air, and Shownu took the time to place gentle kisses along his neck and jaw. Fingers dug into his hair, holding him closer. 

"Ki, are you okay? Feel okay?" He asked, bracing himself on his arms to look down at him once more.

"Feels like I'm floating… So tired…"

Before he could even respond, Kihyun's breathing had evened out and he'd fallen back asleep. Shownu shook his head. He guessed they could shower in the morning. Pulling the blankets back over them both, he pulled Kihyun close again, resting his forehead against his chest. Sometime during what was left of their night, arms had tightened around his neck and Shownu couldn't think of a better way to wake up. 

*********

"I can't… This is so embarrassing." 

Shownu scoffed as he turned the faucet off. The steam was rising from the bathtub, making the room feel warm and fuzzy. "Why is it embarrassing? It was just me and you."

Kihyun put his hands over his face where he sat on the bathroom counter. "I know, but- I'm not some hormonal teenager. I should have more control than that. And I feel like I just used you."

"You didn't use me, Ki. Were you even coherent while it was happening? I encouraged it. What were you dreaming about, anyway?"

"As if you don't know?"

Shownu shrugged.

A sigh. "I think it's safe to assume that any dream like that I've had in the last five years has been about you. Waking up next to you just makes it harder to calm down. I didn't mean to rut against you like some kind of animal."

"You're not going to get me to say I didn't enjoy it." Shownu teased, testing the waters with his fingers. "You are...incredibly sexy, when you let yourself go like that."

"Son Hyunwoo!"

"Yoo Kihyun!"

He met Kihyun's glare with an unphased one of his own. His boyfriend was not going to win this and he wasn't going to let him feel like he'd done something wrong. It took a few excruciatingly long moments but Kihyun finally slid his gaze to the floor and Shownu moved closer to stand between his knees. 

"I know what you're thinking, Kiki. But what happened last night didn't go against what we promised." He said, settling his hands on the counter. 

"We said no further than kissing. I think that pushed the limit."

"I didn't touch you, only kissed you, admittedly, there may have been teeth involved but that's it. Now come on, your baths ready. I'll go pack up our things."

Kihyun grabbed his sleeve when he turned to leave; a pretty blush spread over his cheeks. "Shownu, we need to tell management. Soon. I'm tired of waiting." 

So was he.

************

A few nights later, after dinner, Shownu was helping Kihyun clean up the kitchen and noticed his boyfriend was awfully quiet. He hadn't spoken much during dinner either, now that he thought about it. 

"Ki? Are you okay? You've been scarily quiet today. Do you feel alright?" 

Kihyun finished drying his hands and, in another uncharacteristic move, wrapped his arms around Shownu's waist, laying his cheek against his back. "I feel...like static. I'm not sick, but I'm nauseous and it feels like my skin is crawling. The only time it stops is when you're touching me. I think I'm-"

"Pent up?" 

He felt his boyfriend nod. "I can't do it myself. Not after...you helped."

Shownu chewed on his bottom lip, contemplating the choices he had. He was more than willing to help Kihyun calm down, but ever since their night at the hotel he had told him no more and he wasn't going to force him. The only other option was to-

"Call Yujun-hyung. See if he'll come over." He said, turning around in Kihyun's arms. "Let's do this now." 

Kihyun didn't argue, pulling his phone from his pocket and dialing their manager's number. They had twenty minutes before he would arrive. 

Shownu took Kihyun's hand, feeling how he trembled with nerves, as they walked into the common room. He reached down and pushed the button to turn off the TV. Suddenly four sets of eyes were on him. 

"What's going on? We were in the middle of an episode." Minhyuk whined, flopping over sideways into Changkyun's lap. 

"They were about to reveal the killer, too." Jooheon joined in. 

Shownu raised a hand, asking them to be quiet. "Yujun-hyung is on his way here. Ki and I are going to tell him we're dating. Can you guys just stay down here and keep busy for a while? Please?"

Hyungwon turned around, kneeling on the sofa. "Do you need back up? We can tell him we're okay with all of this. It might help?"

Kihyun squeezed his hand and shook his head. "Thank you, but I think it's better if we do this alone. You guys have supported us enough already."

Minhyuk was the next one up. "Kihyunnie, don't be nervous, okay? You guys love each other, that makes it okay."

Shownu had to remind himself to breathe. They hadn't said those words yet, and despite how he felt, he wasn't sure if Kihyun had even thought about it yet. The way he turned his head away from them left a heavy feeling in his heart. Maybe they should talk about this. 

Reaching out, he ruffled Minhyuk's hair. "Thanks, Min. We'll talk later."

Before anyone could speak again, Shownu pulled Kihyun back into the kitchen, lifting him up to sit on the island counter. The younger wouldn’t even look at him. “Ki, what Min said, it’s-”

“He shouldn’t have said that.”

“Why? If it’s true, then what harm has been done? And if it’s not, then you and I should be having a conversation about where this is all headed, don’t you think? Because I may have not said it out loud yet, but Kihyun, you know how I feel about you. You know I love you. Right?”

Kihyun scoffed, his hands coming up to run through Shownu’s hair. “I didn’t want to say it until I was absolutely sure you would say it back. I wasn’t sure, but I am now. My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest. I want everything to go smoothly because- because obviously I love you too.”

Shownu was grinning as he leaned in to press a kiss to his cheek. “Really love me? Because I’ve heard that song before.”

The softest giggle he’d ever heard vibrated his ear and he had to force himself not to crush Kihyun against him. “I love, love you, but I guess you could say I do really really wanna love you, too.” 

Just the thought was making his knees feel like jello. “Maybe we should sleep in separate beds tonight.”

Kihyun hummed. “It would probably be a good idea, but let’s wait and see what happens, ‘kay?” 

They heard the front door opening before he could answer and Shownu stepped away from him. Yujun walked into the room a few minutes later after stopping to say hello to the others. He didn’t seem upset with having to come over so that was a good sign. 

"Kihyun, you called, what did you want to talk about?" He asked, taking a seat at the other side of the bar. 

"I'm...ready to tell you about the person I've been seeing. Things have escalated and I have no doubt that this is serious now." A flare of pride heated Shownu's chest at the way Kihyun's voice didn't waiver. 

Yujun nodded a few times, folding his hands on the counter before him. "Alright. I will make an appointment with the higher ups to discuss all of this, but first I need to know who he is. So I can contact that company too."

Kihyun frowned then. "Why do you assume they're a guy?"

His inquiry was met with a deadpan look. "I've been around you almost every day for the last five years, Kihyun. I have no doubt that they're a man. I just need to know who they are. Actually, before we go any further, Shownu? Could you give us a moment? This doesn't concern you at the moment."

"Um, actually, it does." He replied. "The person Kihyunnie is dating, he is me."

For a moment, it seemed their manager was going to pass out; his face paled and he swayed a bit on his seat before coming back to his senses. "This… I'm going to be honest with you both. I don't know if this makes things better or worse. But I will tell you that whatever the higher ups say, I will fight for you two to be together. You're both good people and if you're dating, then I don't have to worry about you ending up in a relationship with someone who will treat you badly. I will make some calls tonight and find out when we can have a meeting as soon as possible."

Shownu watched Kihyun's shoulders relax and he stepped closer to put a hand to his lower back. "Thank you. I think I speak for both of us when I say we appreciate your support, no matter what happens."

"You guys have grown up so much in the last few years…" Yujun mused before seeming to shake himself out of it. "Anyway, Shownu? Walk me out?"

He nodded, patting Kihyun's back before following their manager back to the front door. He'd caught his boyfriend heading for the stairs out of the corner of his eye. Oh how badly he wanted to follow. 

Just outside the front door, Yujun turned to him, face serious. “Shownu, I know that Kihyun wants to be strong in this situation, but you know how ugly it could get, right? And you know him; maybe better than the rest of us. If this meeting doesn’t go well, can you take care of him even if things go south?”

It was difficult not to let those words eat at him. He did know how badly things could go. They could end up forced apart or even fired, but the question of whether or not he would take care of Kihyun was a no brainer. 

“That’s not even a question. I’m not- I’m not going to let him go."

Yujun's eyes narrowed. "And if they make you choose?"

Shownu glanced back inside. It would be the decision he'd hate to make most. He loved his group members like they were his brothers; would they understand? "I've been beyond lucky to be a part of this group, but I can find other work. I can't find another him. If he stays, then I would stay even if I can't be with him. If Kihyun chose to leave, I would follow." He answered honestly. 

"I expected as much. I pray that things don't come to that. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow."

Once the van had backed out of the driveway, Shownu wasted no time going back inside. He told an inquisitive Hyungwon they'd talk later and headed for the stairs. Kihyun was sitting halfway up the staircase, worrying his bottom lip, but he stood as soon as he saw him. 

"Everything okay?" He asked, socked toes digging at the wooden stair. 

"Everything's fine." Shownu replied, fitting his hands to his boyfriend's hips. "Kiki, I know we made a promise, but looking back on it, maybe we made a mistake."

Kihyun arched a brow at him, hands coming to rest on his shoulders. "Oh do tell what mistake we have made, husband of mine."

The way that word made his heart feel like it was going to blow apart. 

"What if they won't let us date? Then we'll have missed the opportunity. We did wait. Isn't telling Yujun enough?"

"Hmm. You have a point. But Nunu, I am so tired." Kihyun said, dramatically fake yawning. "I think I'll have to turn in early tonight. I'll see you in the morning." He finished by giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to run up the stairs. 

Shownu caught him around the waist just before he could make it into the bedroom, picking him up off his feet and carrying a cackling Kihyun into the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't decide how far this is going to go...
> 
> Come say hi on the bird app [@CaliWritesFics](https://twitter.com/CaliWritesFics)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't write the smut!!! I'm sorry!! Maybe later...   
> A little more of a look into Kihyun's head here.

They had a problem. Or, to be more precise, he had a problem. 

After unceremoniously dropping him on to the bed, Shownu had held him down, tickling his sides until he was in tears. It took some begging on Kihyun's part for him to stop but now that he had, Kihyun was unable to keep himself from flinching and giggling every time his boyfriend touched him. It was horribly embarrassing but Shownu only regarded his antics with the softest expression. 

About the time he’d thought himself under control, Shownu's fingers curled over his hip and he kissed his shoulder far too softly, setting off another bout of giggles. 

"Kiki, you're killing me. Why are you laughing?" He asked, sitting up on his knees. 

Kihyun struggled to sit up, wiping at his eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just can't stop. Give me a minute. No more soft touches, I'm too ticklish."

Shownu nodded, his hand framing Kihyun's cheek to brush away the last of his laughter induced tears. "I'm sorry I tickled you, but not very sorry. You're beautiful when you laugh."

"Stop it. You're not helping." He whined, hiding his face in his hands and trying to become something other than a hyena. 

"Okay, okay. No more soft touches then."

“Wait. Wait.” Kihyun stopped him from trying to kiss him again. “Do remember when we were in the hotel room, when you uh, kinda forced me because you knew I wanted it and was too nervous?” Shownu nodded, a confused frown settling on his face. “Well, this is very new, and I am very nervous. Do you think you could help me again?”

“Ah.” He said, his dark eyes full of understanding. “I can, but only if you’re sure this is what you want.”

Kihyun nodded, his hands gripping the short sleeves of Shownu’s t-shirt. “I am. 100%. I’m going to try my best to just relax, so- so if you need me to do something, just tell me.”

“Just let me take care of you.”

That he could do; probably. Maybe. He wanted to do that. Kihyun had never been around someone that he could just...stop thinking with. But Shownu was different. Kihyun didn’t have to try to impress him nor did he have any expectations of him. Shownu only wanted to be near him, the real him, and in Kihyun’s opinion, that alone was enough to earn his trust. 

“I’m all yours.” Kihyun replied, trying to offer him a reassuring smile. 

“I’ll be right back.” Shownu kissed his cheek once before standing up. “Make yourself comfy." 

"Where are you going?"

"Don't worry your pretty little head. I'll be back in just a moment."

'Just a moment' turned out to be more than a few moments. Kihyun sighed, pulling off his jeans and t-shirt. He took one of Shownu's hoodies that he'd hidden in his closet and put it on before climbing back into bed. The only light in the room now came from the small window above his headboard but it was enough to cast blueish shadows around the room. He was warm and sated from dinner and it was difficult not to get sleepy, wrapped up in his boyfriend's scent as he was. 

By the time the door opened again, Kihyun had dozed off a little, but he opened his eyes when something clinked against the bedside table. Then the covers were lifted and Shownu easily rolled him on to his back, fitting so effortlessly between his legs. 

"Thought you'd fallen asleep on me." 

Kihyun shook his head, looping his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and pulling him into a sweet kiss. He didn’t think twice about raising his legs to hook them around Shownu’s waist and parting his lips. A moan vibrated through his chest when their tongues slid together, warm and wet and delicious. When they parted to breathe, Shownu took the opportunity to reach for the end of his hoodie and pulled it over Kihyun’s head.

“How many of my shirts and hoodies have you stolen?” He asked, lowering his head to flick his tongue over a nipple.

“N-not too many. Oh god… I stole your cologne though. I sprayed it on my pillows.”

Shownu chuckled, the sound vibrating through his chest. "I bought another bottle after Hyungwon told me he saw you stealing it. But I'll leave it on my desk if you like to think you're being sneaky."

"I appreciate it. D-do that again." He groaned, feeling a twinge of pain at the bite just left on his ribcage. That was going to bruise but he didn't care. 

Unfortunately, his boyfriend didn't seem to be in the mood to indulge his wishes. "Can I turn the light on?" He asks instead, soothing the bite mark with his tongue. 

Kihyun shakes his head. "No, no light."

"Why?"

"I'm naked."

"You aren't." He scoffs.

"I'm naked-ish."

"If I leave the light off, can we discard the 'ish' part?"

Kihyun accepted the negotiation. 

*********

It wasn't until some time, and a couple orgasms, later, that Kihyun began to realize he'd made a mistake. A horrible (wonderful) mistake. 

He wasn't quite mentally present as he carded his fingers through Shownu's hair, too lost in the post haze of pleasure. His entire body felt heavy but tingly and sated. He knew his boyfriend was awake, could tell from the way his lashes brushed like butterfly wings against the heated skin of his chest, but he was giving Kihyun time to compartmentalize his thoughts. For that, he was grateful. 

Shownu had been inexplicably gentle with him. He'd made sure that Kihyun was comfortable at every moment and that level of caring had done strange things to his heart. He'd grown accustomed to the fact that Shownu liked him. He could handle that, and sometimes even understand it, but earlier they'd said those three words to one another. Love was a concept he’d thought he understood but now… Now he’d witnessed love; felt it in the depths of his bones and it was overwhelming. His heart ached with how full it felt, ready to burst at the seams at any moment. Even his throat felt dry and tight, eyes burning with tears he couldn’t hold back. 

Love hurt. But in a good way. 

And Shownu noticed; of course he did. His head lifted and though he could hardly see him, Kihyun knew he was worried just by the tone of his voice. “Kiki? Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying? Are you hurt?” His tone became more urgent as he sat up, leaning over him to switch on the bedside lamp. Kihyun stopped him, pressing his palms to his chest. 

“Don’t. Leave it off. I’m not hurt, I promise. Come back, please?” He asked, trying to pull him closer with a hand on the back of his neck. 

Shownu relented, allowing himself to be pulled back into his hold, Kihyun’s arms circling his neck. “Then tell me why you’re crying.” 

“If I told you it was because I just realized how much I love you, would you believe me?” He asked, scoffing at the sappy, warm, sound of his own voice. 

Shownu huffed out a laugh, tightening his around on Kihyun’s waist. “I could be pacified by this explanation, yes. As long as it’s the truth and you’re honestly okay.”

Kihyun couldn’t help but laugh, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s hair. “I swear I’m okay. But...Nunu, I think this might have not been a smart idea.”

“Why? You’re regretting it already?”

“What? No! Of course not. I just- we have practice tomorrow morning and I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to walk, much less dance. Can you just carry me to the studio? I’ll skip practice.”

A kiss was laid on his collarbone. “I’ll carry you wherever you need to go. Did I...hurt you though?”

“No! No, you didn’t. I think I probably did more damage to your back than you could have done to me. Hopefully, those scratches will heal before we have a performance. I’m sorry.” He said, letting his fingers slip over the angry red marks he’d left in soft skin. 

“It’s fine. I hope they never heal. I wanna remember this.”

“We could always just do it again, you know?”

Shownu’s hand stilled on his lower back. “Like...now?”

Kihyun grabbed the pillow from beside him and whacked Shownu over the head with it. “Go to sleep, you horny dog.”

*********

"Shownu, aren't you happy that Kihyunnie is our main vocalist?" 

Kihyun narrowed his eyes at the sound of Minhyuk's sing-song voice, taking a drink of water. Fuck, he was tired. That second round at three in the morning had been a bad idea but he hadn't been able to deny his boyfriend's wandering hands, and now he was running on fumes and achy muscles. 

"I am. I love his voice. Always have." Shownu answered the best with a seriousness that was just...so him. 

Changkyun cackled and Jooheon just looked mortified. 

"I'll bet you do." Minhyuk continues. "He does have a great voice. Especially at night, you know? Early morning. I heard him singing last night. Kihyun, I wasn't aware you were such a good screamer though! Wouldn't you agree, Wonnie?"

Hyungwon nods solemnly. "The walls are thin. And our esteemed vocalist...is somewhat of a pornstar."

Kihyun's blood boiled, his face going red. How could they talk like this?! Despite his best efforts to remain unaffected, his hands came up to cover his face and he turned away from the others as they laughed. 

"Guys, that's enough." Shownu's voice cut through their cackling. "Hey, Ki? Could you go refill this for me? Please?"

Kihyun parted his fingers to see a water bottle in front of his face. He took it wordlessly and left the practice studio. Of course Shownu would know he needed to get out of the room. He truly was too good for him. 

Instead of using the filling station just outside the studio, Kihyun took the elevator down to the gym floor to use the one there. He needed the extra time to collect himself. He should have been better prepared to deal with the teasing. The others weren’t being mean, and he knew that, but this wasn’t something he was equipped to deal with. By the time he returned to the studio, the other members looked like they’d been punished and sent to bed without dessert; barely meeting his eyes. Shownu didn’t say anything either, but smiled nonetheless. 

The rest of practice went on without any further teasing but it made him feel antsy. Like they were collectively holding their breaths. 

“Kihyun-ah, wait for me, please?” 

Kihyun stopped, waiting for Minhyuk to catch up to him in front of the elevators. The others were still in the studio but Kihyun had elected to go home. He needed some time alone. “I thought you were staying here? Practice isn’t over yet.”

“I know. I’m not leaving, but I need to talk to you. Please? Kihyun, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have teased you. I should have known that saying those things would upset you. I-I know you better than that and I just...wasn’t thinking.” He said in a rush of words before reaching out and grabbing Kihyun’s hand. “Please, don’t be upset. I'm- I'm so happy the two of you are together and you know how I am when I'm excited about something. Don't break up because I'm stupid. I really am sorry."

Kihyun couldn't truly be angry with Minhyuk, ever. One hint of sadness in those usually bright eyes and Kihyun had the urge to murder. No, he couldn't stay mad. "Min, I'm not going to break up with him because you teased me. I appreciate your apology but I'm not…" He paused, takes a deep breath because vulnerability is NOT his forte, then continues. "I’m not upset with you, honestly. It’s me. I should be able to handle being teased like this but I can’t and it makes me feel childish.”

Minhyuk’s lips pulled tight at the corners, a face he made when he was thinking hard on something. “Don’t get mad. I’m just trying to work this through. Are you...ashamed of what happened? Does it embarrass you, not because of what it was, but because of who it was? Because it was another guy?”

"Of course n-" Kihyun cut himself off. That...he'd never thought about that. He knew it wouldn't have mattered if he'd had sex with a man or a women, he still wouldn't be able to handle the teasing, but… Ever since he'd realized his preference for men, Kihyun had just assumed he'd be single forever. His job didn't make dating realistic, or maybe that had just been an excuse. Now that he thought about it, he'd never told anyone; not even his mother. It wasn't pertinent that he 'come out' when he never planned to date anyway. Was he ashamed? 

"Min, could you come back to the dorm with me? I think I need to talk to someone. Please?" He asked, hoping he didn't look too terribly pathetic. 

Thankfully his friend only nodded. "Let me get my things. I'll be right back." He said, squeezing Kihyun's shoulder before disappearing back down the hallway. 

This really was horrible, but he hoped talking it out would help him understand more. 

"Kiki? Hey, are you alright? Min said you guys were leaving. Did he say something else to upset you?" 

Kihyun startled, flinching when Shownu touched his hand. "Sorry. I was spaced out. Uh, no. He apologized. He's coming with me because I need to talk to someone. That's all."

He saw how Shownu's expression fell before he could hide it. "You can talk to me?"

"I know I can." Kihyun stepped closer. "But you… Shownu, I love you, but you always tell me whatever I say is okay, that there's nothing wrong with me. I need to talk to someone who will tell me when something I think or say is fucked up. You're just too biased for the conversation I need to have."

"So...you can't talk to me because I love you...too much?"

Kihyun chuckled, leaning up to press a kiss to his jawline. "Exactly. Don't worry though, I'll tell you everything we talked about when you get home later."

"Uh hem. If you two are done, I'm ready to go." Minhyuk's voice came from over Shownu's shoulder. 

His boyfriend held his face in both hands and kissed his forehead before turning to Minhyuk. "Don't upset him. Understand?"

"Yeah, yeah. I understand. Shownu, I'll take care of him. He's my Kihyunnie too, remember?" 

Somehow that seemed to pacify and Shownu left them, going back to practice. Minhyuk grinned, looping their arms together as the elevator opened. The walk back to the dorm was surprisingly silent. His friend seemed to understand that he needed time to think. Minhyuk didn't speak up again until they were safely inside, changed into comfy clothes, and we're curled up on either ends of the sofa. 

"So, what do you want to talk about specifically? I'm assuming this has something to do with what I asked before."

Kihyun nodded, staring into his steaming mug of honeyed tea. “This...has nothing to Shownu or us being together. I’m not ashamed of being with him. I- I love him. No, this is something I’ve had to deal with for most of my life; before I ever met him. When I was younger, when my dad still lived with us, anytime that I did something he didn’t approve of, which was just about anything I did, he wouldn’t tell me it was wrong. He would tease me until I felt so embarrassed that I would hide in my room or in my shirt. It got to the point that I guess I started associating teasing with wrongdoings.”

“So, when we teased you… oh my god, Ki. We made you feel like what happened last night was wrong?” Minhyuk looked so shocked and guilty that Kihyun reached out, cupping his cheek. 

“I know that you guys don’t mean it like that. Logically, I know that. I know that you are doing it in a supportive way, but it’s hard to think logically in the moment. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to handle teasing like that, but I’m working on it. I don’t want you to stop being you. You’ve always been the type to tease out of love and I don’t want that to change. Just give me time to process your teasing and when it’s too much, give me space. ‘Kay? And maybe just mention to the others to keep it light. I’ll explain it to them at some point, but not tonight. Honestly, if you want to, you can tell them what I told you. I will...tell Shownu when he gets home.”

Minhyuk nods, squeezing his hand. “Don’t worry. I’ll let them know. I wish you had told us about this sooner. We could have saved you a lot of embarrassment over the years.”

Kihyun could only smile. “I don’t like talking about my dad, but I figured this was a good time to say it. Most things people tease me about, I can handle, but I can’t allow anyone to make me feel guilty about this relationship. It’s not wrong.”

“No, it’s not. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with how happy you two look together. Besides,” He pauses, a smirk curving his lips. “Happy parents make happy kids.”

Kihyun scoffed. “I’m too young to have so many bratty children. You, in particular, are your father’s child.”

Minhyuk grinned, flopping sideways into Kihyun’s lap. “I’m telling Shownu his wifey is picking on me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Kudos and comments always appreciated, never necessary. Come say hi --> [CaliWritesFics](https://twitter.com/CaliWritesFics)


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